In the words of a libtarded, jihad-loving hippie band, it has been "a long and winding road" that has brought the Ralph/Blat 2008 Campaign to its reluctant conclusion. We recognize with regret and the occasional maddened howl at the moon that not only have John McCain and our American Sweetheart, Sarah Palin, gone down to defeat, but they have done so at the hands of a regime that is determined to undo so much of the good work that has already been done by AMERICA'S-GREATEST-PRESIDENT-GEORGE-W-BUSH and also to forestall the many further reforms and positive changes that would have been undertaken by a successful Troll Party Administration.
But all is not lost, our faithful followers! For even in this darkest hour, for only three easy installments of $24.95 plus shipping and handling, you can become a proud owner of the Limited Edition Ralph/Blat 2008 Commemorative Coin Set!
This uncirculated, illegal-tender collection of five authentic fake coins illustrates and enshrines for all time the many high points of the historic (some would even say, PRE-historic) Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign.
The centerpiece of this distinctive collection is the Ralph Doubloon. Our Candidate's visage sends an unmistakable message of Hope and Change, while the obverse (not shown) features the headquarters of the Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign at the Bide-A-Wee trailer park.
Running Mate Blat is featured on the 50-cent piece, limned in glorious full color. The obverse shows the campaign van which took the Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign's message far and wide throughout this great land.
Of course, no commemorative coin set would be complete without the inclusion of Konservo, Candidate Ralph's frequent confidante and a central figure throughout the campaign. Konservo poses on the 25-cent coin with his trademark toilet brush and his distinctive hairdo and beard; on the obverse is an image of the iconic Lookout Bar & Grill in Ottawa, the scene of so many of Konservo's artistic musical triumphs.
But that's not all!! In addition to these three legendary figures, you'll receive an additional two commemorative doubloons lauding this landmark campaign. The "Morning After" doubloon features the book cover from Ralph's own defining fact-based novel, hailed by critics and detractors alike as "the nuttiest thing we've ever seen in print." On the obverse, you will find a Lincoln Bedroom scene deemed unsuitable for online promotion. Complementing it is the "Moment-Men" doubloon, showcasing the people's heroes who stepped up to the plate for the Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign. All your favorites are here: Hiram T. Peashucker, Cletus S. Knothole, and so many more. Relive your favorite highway blockade moments with this historic coin, which displays on the obverse the guitar-playing image of California Blat, the mysterious doppelganger who either ultimately salvaged or threw the campaign, depending on whose analysis you subscribe to.
Remember, this is a limited and numbered edition of five commemorative coins, available only in three easy installments of $24.95 plus shipping and handling. Don't miss your opportunity to own a piece of wingnut history!
Best of all, after processing and production costs are covered, the balance of your purchase price will go to finance the anticipated Ralph/Blat 2012 candidacy! With the grueling experience of campaign 2008 under their belts, our candidates are more than ready to take to the 2012 field with determination, inflamed rhetoric, bumping doughnuts and much, much more. This is your chance to both support the future and mark the past.
Operators are waiting for your call at 1-800-GO-RALPH, or order online through our really, really super-secure online ordering system at www.ralphiestheone.info.china.pl/scam.
Act now to avoid disappointment: this limited edition commemorative coin set is sure to sell out quickly!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
4 comments:
Hoo boy! Me, gittin my pickshure on money! And here my ma always tole me the only thang I'd ever git my pickshure on was a Wanted poster.
Meetin up with that thar Ralphy sure bin the best thang ivver happend to me. Before Ralph I was jist a lowdown, no-count redneck; now Im one of them - whatcha call it? - folk hero fellers. When I go to church they all ask fer my ottograff. And my Sadie Mae is sweeter to me then she bin in yeers if you know what-all I mean.
Cain't wait fer 2012!
It sure has been one helluva barn-burnin' year, Hiram. Calls to mind all them stories ya'll told me bout yer Ma and Pa ridin around in the truck in the wilderness back before them highaways, with good ol' Ma Peashucker shootin' guns out the winder with her pregnant stomach and lacy underthangs.
Didn't never think we all would see days like them agin, not until Sairey Palin come along.
Well, honey pie, you know that pregnant stomach was me, don't ya? My Sunday School teacher useter say my ma shootin' guns off right beside my head done addled my brains. But I dunno - there ain't nuthin wrong with my brains that I know of.
"Memories are made of this...Sweet Sweet the memories you gave to me..." or is it "Still Crazy after all these Years ?" BWWAAAAAAHAAAAAHAHHHHH................
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