Monday, May 30, 2011

Opposition Group Vows "Ralph will Never See the White House"

The Rapturous Troll Brigade may be rejoicing about RALPH’s presidential campaign, but not everyone is so happy. A new political organization called "RALPH’s Unstoppable Irish Nemesis" (RUIN) issued the following statement today:

RUIN wants to warn America about the latest nutcase to enter the race for the job of Most Powerful Man in the Country. Speaking from his usual seat at the Harp and Hiccup Irish pub in Queens, New York, RUIN’s president described RALPH as a loser who, in the unlikely event that he’s ever elected, will run anyone of Irish descent out of the USA.

"This RALPH fellow makes Sarah Palin look like an intellect," said RUIN’s President, Seamus O’Carolan (Yogi) McWriggles. "I don’t know how he got such a bee in his bonnet about the Irish - maybe it’s some kind of Freudian thing - but he rags on and on about it and no one else gives a shite."

For example, McWriggles noted, RALPH has just called on Britain to depose Queen Elizabeth for her state visit to Ireland, replacing her with her grandson, "The New King Billy" and thus bringing about a new Glorious Revolution. "If he’s President, he’ll spend more time in trying to overthrow another country’s government than in governing his own. I ask you, is that what an American President does? Oops, Bush did that, didn’t he? Never mind."

McWriggles also promised that RUIN would dog RALPH’s footsteps throughout the campaign. "We’ve got our rowdy student hecklers ready for every rally. The Guinness Cream Pie Throwing brigade is busy in their kitchens as we speak. We’ve got musicians who are prepared to sing Enya songs and play Chieftains music outside his window every night. I guarantee, he’ll never get closer to the White House than Council Bluffs, Iowa. Here, have another Bailey's, on me. Erin go bragh!"

The RALPH/BLAT campaign has yet to issue a response.

1 comment:

Guru Maggie said...

Is feideir linn!