I'm back. I have a few more questions to answer and I want to knock Konservo off the top of this blog...
• Climate change – real problem, business opportunity, or just made up by Al Gore?
Oh, definitely a business opportunity. And don’t think Al Gore doesn’t know it. Let me tell you something: I was talking to this entrepenoor from Minneapolis, about growing bananas in Minnesota - and what do you think he told me? He said he’d already signed a deal with Al Gore! Man talks out of both sides of his mouth. He needs some vitamins to get him thinking straight.
• Public Enemy Number One – who should it be, and why?
The nameless scumbag who invented Lite Rock. Back when I was working in an office, that's all I'd hear - the same three songs over and over again on the same evil radio station. I will ABOLISH that radio station as soon as I become President and I will tear the country apart to find whoever owns it. Do you know how much TORMENT that person’s inflicted on the ears of society? I'll throw him into a soundproof prison and make him listen to those three songs over and over for the rest of his miserable life.
• Will you make it a campaign priority for the government to regain control of the SAMPO from Al Gore and the Newshounds of the Caribbean? Why or why not?
No, it won’t be a priority. I think it’s more of a priority for me to have a new Turkmen hat. Though I’d be happy to take on the Newshounds of the Caribbean in some other way. A Sumo wrestling tournament maybe?
• What about the impending RAPTURE?
As I mentioned before, I don’t believe it’s impending. I was told so by two unimpeachable sources - Elvis, and this pterodactyl I met last summer while I was climbing the letter Y in "HOLLYWOOD". They both said the RAPTURE was a lie invented to sell more donuts. I believe them.