Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Campaign Shocker! Konservo Arrested in Minneapolis!

The Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign has been anxiously awaiting news of Konservo following his enigmatic exit from the Ottawa club where his drag act had become such a sensation in recent weeks. That news came in the early morning hours of October 9, 2007...but not with the results this campaign might have preferred.

Konservo-watchers in Minnesota noted a police radio call to a departure concourse at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, and the reference to an Ethel Merman lookalike alerted one such watcher to the likelihood of a Konservo-sighting. He duly reported to the airport, purchasing a stand-by round-trip ticket to Madison, WI on a commuter flight, and met with an astonishing sight upon clearing security.

Airport police had attempted to clear the concourse but did so only with grave difficulty given the potato peels and chunks that littered the walkway leading toward the gate area. A kind of starchy breadcrumb-trail, the spud pieces led directly to the infamous public restroom that has figured in the scandal surrounding Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) and his guilty plea to soliciting sexual activity in said restroom earlier this year.

Our on-site campaign stalwart Sven Svennsonsdottir (not his real name...or is it?) explains in his own words:

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I followed the potato trail to the restroom in question, cordoned off as closed for renovations, but found a naked blow-up doll draped across the barrier and a hand-lettered sign saying "Larry, I love you! Come back to me! All is forgiven! I don't know how to quit you! Love and kisses, XOXOXOXO, Konservo." That was when I knew I had hit campaign paydirt.

Police had a bullhorn and were negotiating with Konservo to come out of the restroom voluntarily. They weren't sure at that point whether or not a hostage situation was in play or not.

As I stood by, the police stormed the restroom with tear gas, pepper spray, and packets of french fries from the McDonald's further down the concourse, on the assumption that potato products might tempt their target. There were sounds of a scuffle within and at least two officers were sent for medical attention due to toilet-brush-burn from the altercation.

Eventually the police emerged with Konservo in custody, his facial makeup running a little from sweat but otherwise in high spirits, chanting "Ralph is Great in 2008! USA! All the way! Rapture this, you losers!" If his ankles had not been restrained I feel sure he would have stripped off his underpants and flung them into the crowd - he seemed to treat the incident as he would just another drag act.

While an officer was reciting the charges for the media - including vandalism, entering a restricted area within an airport, traveling under an assumed name and resisting arrest - I managed to slip into the restroom and snap the photo which illustrates this report. Konservo's toilet brush and the Ethel Merman wig have since been confiscated by police, but I believe the graffiti persists pending the restroom renovation.

The occupant of the adjacent stall - shoe slightly visible in the photo - evaded authorities and remains at large as far as I know.

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Minneapolis police are holding Konservo in lieu of $50,000 bail. Although the toilet brush and Ethel Merman wig have been entered as evidence in the case, unconfirmed reports say that the blow-up doll just outside the restroom has appeared on offer at eBay.

1 comment:

wee nelson said...

Is the mystery solved? Konservo and Kraig??? Did this happen while Konservo was following Ralph like a loyal little groupie? (Surely Larry Craig didn't follow him to Ottawa. The washroom stalls at Ottawa Airport come down to about two inches from the ground. You could poke your shoes through but you sure couldn't limbo your way underneath.)