Wednesday, October 17, 2007

"They'll Never Take our Blat!" Arizonans vow

The Arizona desert is boiling with outrage.

A rumor that RALPH is heading their way, spoiling for a showdown with California Blat, has the local plenty people upset. "He can’t do that," says Stacy Hernandez, a counter attendant at the McDonald’s in Winslow. "Blat’s our hero." she said. Tyler Blake, an attendant at the nearby Circle K gas station, was much blunter. "Anyone wants to fuck with him they’ll have to get by us first."

Plans are reportedly underway for a Live Blat benefit rally and concert, possibly in Grand Canyon Village. We’ll let you know more details, especially if they get Bono to appear.

No one is more outraged than the Moment-Men, currently sharing a house in Holbrook and living on the bounty of Blat’s magic baseball cap. "We ain’t gonna let Ralph git our man," Hiram told reporters flatly. "Blat jumped our roadblock but I bet you dollars to doughnuts Ralph ain’t got that kind of power."

In answer to further questions he added, "Eustace is out of hospital but he’s got one of them big cast things and he’s gotta keep it on for the next two months. He sits watchin’ them soap opries and that keeps him happy." Young Jesse Earl is not quite so sedentary; he’s been making the circuit of radio talk shows, elaborating on his theory that California Blat is Jesus Christ.

In other news - Konservo’s first court appearance in connection with his display at the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport will take place shortly. His lawyer, Kjell-Olaf Yakimoto, thinks he can get his client off with community service. We await the outcome eagerly.


the boffing man said...

Any rumor to the truth that the "roadblock" is being replaced by a clusterf*ck of abutted bumped donuts reputed to be redolent with Ralph repellent ?

et said...

"Live Blat" benefit rally - that is brilliant!

Crement Boffo said...

Any rumor to the truth that "mysterious strangers" bearing gifis of sweet clover were seen around the Navaho sheep pens. A tracker indicated that the spore and the trail of Dorito crumbs came from the direction of the Moment Men.

M.R.F said...

Yeegads, this is SERIOUS! This IS the moment. WWIII! Good versus Evil!! LOVE vs. HATE!!! Ralph vs. CA Blat!!!!

I had been content to spread the gospel in the east until now, but with Ralph HIMSELF now on California Blat's trail, I must go west.

Sound the trumpets! Open the seals of the big book!! Unleash the thirteen-headed dragon!!! Um...crank up the donut-making machines?

Now if I only can scrape together the dough for a one-way bus ticket to Winslow, AZ. . .

M. Farrar

Former Assistant to the Assistant Campaign Director, NE Area, Ralph/Blat! 2008, Now Deacon and Choir Director, First Church of LOVE!; Vice President, American Clone Liberties Union; Member, California Blat Appreciation Society