"They'll Never Take our Blat!" Arizonans vow

The Arizona desert is boiling with outrage.

A rumor that RALPH is heading their way, spoiling for a showdown with California Blat, has the local plenty people upset. "He can’t do that," says Stacy Hernandez, a counter attendant at the McDonald’s in Winslow. "Blat’s our hero." she said. Tyler Blake, an attendant at the nearby Circle K gas station, was much blunter. "Anyone wants to fuck with him they’ll have to get by us first."

Plans are reportedly underway for a Live Blat benefit rally and concert, possibly in Grand Canyon Village. We’ll let you know more details, especially if they get Bono to appear.

No one is more outraged than the Moment-Men, currently sharing a house in Holbrook and living on the bounty of Blat’s magic baseball cap. "We ain’t gonna let Ralph git our man," Hiram told reporters flatly. "Blat jumped our roadblock but I bet you dollars to doughnuts Ralph ain’t got that kind of power."

In answer to further questions he added, "Eustace is out of hospital but he’s got one of them big cast things and he’s gotta keep it on for the next two months. He sits watchin’ them soap opries and that keeps him happy." Young Jesse Earl is not quite so sedentary; he’s been making the circuit of radio talk shows, elaborating on his theory that California Blat is Jesus Christ.

In other news - Konservo’s first court appearance in connection with his display at the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport will take place shortly. His lawyer, Kjell-Olaf Yakimoto, thinks he can get his client off with community service. We await the outcome eagerly.