Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The dead do speak!

Today's broadcast of Chillingham Travesty's talk show had some startling revelations for the campaign,as secrets in the past of Troll Party Candidate Ralph(the Prophet) came to light.

The Biography,entitled " Ralph:Story of an American Hero" made notes of his early history,including that he had been married to one Phyllus Smegma-Diddlefiddle. Ralph himself,on September 13,2007 had previously said this:


Of course,it was not surprising that the candidate began looking for a trophy wife,under those circumstances. Now it seems that this may have been an untruth,as Chillingham Travesty has had a woman on her show today,claiming to be the candidate's wife!

Transcript as follows:

Chillingham: "Okay,so you're actually Ralph's wife? Tell us about it."

Phyllus(allegedly): "Well,me 'n Ralphie gots married when we's just kids. He's allus wanted ter be Preznit. He lef' a few months ago,while I was out back cookin' chitlins. I thought he wuz goin to the store,but he never came back! Armageddon called wonderin' where her daddy got off to. I don't got no tv,but the newspaper came yesterday and there he wuz!"

Chillingham: "He was in the paper?"

Phyllus(allegedly): "Ayuh. Jus' as big as life! We done thought somethin' had a happen'd to him. Then I got ter readin',and it said he wa lookin' fer a wife! I'm his wife! Why's he need 'nother one?"


We followed Mrs. Smegma(Diddlefiddle) home as part of our investigation,and true enough,she does indeed live in a small backwoods cabin. There are numerous doghouses in front,and several photographs of Troll Party candidate Ralph in the home.

We spoke to Phyllus as well,who I might add is a rather sweet woman,though she's a might narrow between and hard on the eyes. She laid out a sketch of their life,which strangely coincides with the biography. Our team is working diligently to solve this mystery for our readers.

Spokesmen for the Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign weren't available for comment,and the candidate seems to have dropped off the map,somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains.

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