Thursday, January 10, 2008
NEWS FLASH! Konservo On the Map in New Hampshire
They love him in Littleton; he's knocked 'em dead in Nashua; he's the Pride of Portsmouth, the King of Concord. I am referring of course, to Konservo, who won 1,735 votes in the New Hampshire primary.
"Which is about 1,734 more than I’d expected," said superblogger Zen Caviar, shaking his head. "For someone who’s only been campaigning for a month, and whose favorite outfit is gold lamé with a mink stole, and whose main campaign promise is to index all worldwide currencies to diamond jewelry - this is positively earth-shaking - it's cataclysmic - the man is a veritable tsunami!"
The candidate himself was astonished. Speaking from the Naswa Resort in Weirs Beach, he repeatedly wiped the tears from his cheeks as he gushed, "You are wonderful! Wonderful! I love you from the bottom of my heart! I want to hug and kiss you all, I want to make love to all of you! You've given meaning and purpose to my life! I see God in all your faces!" He stopped to wipe his eyes and sip from his glass of champagne; then, hitching his skirt up above his knees and turning to wiggle his butt at the crowd, he added, "Hey, Ralphy! Are you listening? I am a star! Spread that on your doughnut and eat it!"
We don’t have RALPH’s reaction. When last seen, he was putting copies of The Morning After on windshields at Dubois Mall in Dubois, Pennsylvania - and later running madly as two policemen pursued him down Bee Line Highway.