Bailout for Blat

Only two days after being arrested for breaching security at the U.S. Capitol building, Vice-Presidential candidate Blat is a free man again. An anonymous well-wisher has paid his $30,000 bail.

Before leaving prison, Blat told the media that he "hadn’t a clue" who his benefactor was, but added, "We do have friends in high places, me and Ralph. Just think about that, okay?" He then got into a taxi and has not been seen since.

In addition, Tony Leung of Baltimore will not be pressing carjacking charges against the candidate. We can’t vouch for exactly what happened, but several sources report seeing Mr. Leung and Karl Rove together in a dark corner of a Baltimore trattoria yesterday afternoon. A waitress said she believed she saw Mr. Rove pass a fat manila envelope across the table, but can’t be sure because "it was, like, real fast." However, it is an indisputable fact that Mr. Leung went directly to the bank on leaving the restaurant, and that he later told friends he was taking his wife to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon for a second honeymoon.

As for Blat, his whereabouts are once again a mystery. However, last night a 1973 Ford LTD was reported missing from the parking lot of the Abbacadabba Club in Falls Church, VA, where a "Super 70s Thursday" was taking place. A truck driver later saw a similar car heading west on I-66, toward the mountains.

As reported previously, Ralph will be meeting voters this evening at the Wal-Mart in Columbus, Ohio. We believe that religion will be the main topic on his agenda. So if you’re in the neighborhood I’m sure he would be happy to see you. Unless you're a liberal, of course.