Responding to an overwhelming influx of journalists' requests to make RALPH available for interview, the Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign is delighted to unveil the ***OFFICIAL*** RALPH Finger-Puppet.
An exclusive feature of the Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign, the RALPH Finger-Puppet utilizes groundbreaking Insta-Rapture™ technology, infusing the puppet with the SPIRIT OF RALPH upon assembly, thus enabling simultaneous interviews in multiple locations.
"MY FINGER-PUPPET IS SO EASY TO USE, MAYBE EVEN PATHETIC LIBTARDS CAN HANDLE IT!" declared RALPH.
While RALPH is a singularly modest, humble and soft-spoken candidate, he does request that the following items be made available in the green room prior to any finger-puppet interviews:
- A small fruit basket
- A large tub of library paste with a soup spoon
- One pair crotchless pantaloons, size L
- Spatula (optional)
Terms of use: The Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign assumes no responsibility for damages caused by or incidental to use of the ***OFFICIAL*** RALPH Finger-Puppet. Tag not to be removed except by consumer. Dry clean or hand-wash only: dry flat. Warranty is valid only in Newfoundland, on Wednesdays not ending in "y." Void where prohibited by law or otherwise restricted by local zoning ordinances. Shipping and handling not included. Condominum association rules and parking restrictions may apply. Decaffeinated version not available. Blat's whereabouts continue unknown.
5 comments:
Exclusive campaign interview by Donkey forthcoming...look for the special suprise guest!
Great addition to the campaign! This is exactly what I wanted to show my support for my man. Is it for middle finger only, or can it be used on any digit?
Like most of his clothing, RALPH considers his ***OFFICIAL*** Finger-Puppet to be a one-size-fits-all accessory.
The previous comments were meant to be attributed to Ralph's Press Corps, not to President-in-Waiting RALPH Himself. Press officers responsible for this inexcusable gaffe are even now reporting to Headquarters, with their spatulas and crotchless pantaloons, for disciplinary action.
Video will NOT be made available. Except by paid subscription (nudge-nudge, wink-wink).
Is it ok to make more than one?
I do have several fingers and two thumbs.
They all seem to want a turn.
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