President Bush finally spoke out about the budding scandal involving his wife Laura and Vice-Presidential candidate Blat (see Scandal Rocks Fledgling Campaign: Ralph's Response...)
"There is not one word of truth in this allegator," said the President. "I know my wife very well and I know all her friends; not one of them has such big - ahem! - hair. That picture has obviously been doctored by someone. My friend Ralphy has enemies, I’m pretty durn sure of that. Evil violent bloodthirsty terrorists who hate our freedoms. This has to be the work of one of them. I bet it’s that Saddam Hussein." At that an aide whispered in the President’s ear, and the President turned red. "Ralphy’s doin’ one heckuva job," he said hastily, and his aides abruptly terminated the interview.
Meanwhile, we have had several Blat sightings. A honeymooning couple alleges they saw a man resembling the Vice-Presidential candidate selling ice cream on the boardwalk at Asbury Park. When they asked him point-blank if he was Blat, he replied by singing "I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK."