The Ralph/Blat 2008 campaign headquarters announced this evening that their ticket has obtained a vital endorsement. Fair-and-Balanced, Trusted Journalist Bill O'Reilly has issued a statement offering his full and unlimited support for the campaign.
RALPH and O'Reilly first met one another several years ago at a black-tie fundraiser (left) for Ann Coulter's Gender Reassignment Fund. The pair immediately found common ground in their shared views on the Middle East, gay marriage, immigration, and their favorite costumed Fruit-of-the-Loom guy. (In true Red State fashion, their declared preference is for the Apple.) (And the Grapes, in their opinion, must be as gay as a Teletubby.)
"In the Ralph/Blat ticket, this great nation finally has the perfect candidates to counter these far left smear sites that don't care about regular Americans," opined O'Reilly. "Now, I know the pinheads and stoned slackers out there won't get it, but frankly if they don't like it, they should either leave this country or just shut up."
In response to the O'Reilly endorsement, RALPH stated: "THE HATERS ON THE ISLAMOFASCIST LEFT HATE FAIR-AND-BALANCED JOURNALISM AND BILL O'REILLY. JUST LIKE THEY HATE MY CANDIDACY TO SUCCEED AMERICA'S GREATEST PRESIDENT!! THAT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO IDEAS AND CAN'T EVEN THINK!!!! R-O-T-F-L-M-A-O!!!!"
RALPH's handlers swiftly called an end to the news conference, distributing to reporters an announcement that RALPH is expected to be a guest on a coming episode of The O'Reilly Factor, where he will be released from his customary strait jacket so that his body language can be analyzed on-air.
Running mate Blat could not be reached for commentary. Police blotter reports from Baltimore suggest that he may be a "person of interest" in a case involving an apparent carjacking of the Oscar Meyer "Wienermobile," as eyewitnesses say that the carjacker, as he shoved the driver out the bun side of the vehicle, declared "Life is a cabaret, old chum!" before speeding away. Residents near major highway corridors along the Eastern Seaboard are encouraged to remain alert should this subtle and unremarkable vehicle appear in their neighborhoods. Those with cell phones can text "BLAT" to RRforPres to indicate a sighting.