Welcome To The Campaign!

Wee Nelson said it best over at Newshounds' Off-Topic Forum: "...maybe we should start a Ralph for President campaign."

Truly, Rapture Ralph is a candidate made for our (end) times. He's staunch in his ideals. He never wavers even in the face of facts. He knows his position (usually something involving "HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE!"), his audience (primarily Newshounds, so far as we can tell), and where to find the CAPS LOCK key. Well...at least, some of the time. On days not ending in "y."

And who better as a running mate than Blat? Or, as we originally knew him, our dearly-beloved "blathe." Our favorite network marketer's war cry of "Die! Die! Die! Die!" is a worthy companion to Ralph's own motto. As V.P., there is no doubt he would swig "Vibe" vitamin tonic as avidly as Dead-Eye Dick now downs the blood of countless innocents.

Add to that the unusual fact that each of them actually makes the other look good in some way, and you have the makings of a history-changing campaign.

So, with this, the team at Rapture Ralph for President welcomes you all to what will no doubt be a spirited and frequently incoherent campaign. We give you, ladies and gentlemen, the next President and Vice President of these United States: RALPH and BLAT! Lunatic candidates for a crazy world!