Friday, July 13, 2007

Blat Blows Nashville

It seems that Blat has given up on trying to establish himself in the Country Music Capital and has taken to the road again.
It happened after another less-than-successful open-mike appearance on Wednesday night. Evidently he had practised a great deal, because by Wednesday he could play three chords on his guitar (though he still took at least a minute to change them). He also seems to have taken up songwriting, because he introduced his first song as "one of my own." And judging from the lyrics, the less than enthusiastic reception at his previous open-mike foray had not improved his mood, because the first verse went something like this:

Oh, I’m an American hero,
And you-all are just a great big zero.
I’ll be in the White House by and by,
And then you can all f*** off and die.
CHORUS:
Die, die, die
Yes, die, die, die
I’ll have your asses in the sweet by-and-by...
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), that’s as far as he got before a barrage of beer bottles, salt-shakers and leftover nachos forced him to stop singing. (MRF, who I believe located a video, thinks he hadn’t even written another verse yet.) But instead of leaving the stage at once, Blat launched into a furious tirade, asking "why people in Nashville think they’re such hot stuff?" After calling his audience hillbillies, closet lefties, dog excrement, and various other offensive names, he warned them (obscenities deleted), "Just wait till I’m Vice-President! I’ll take a wrecking ball to this city! I’ll knock down every building and bulldoze the whole thing over. I’ll wipe if off the face of the earth. Think I’m kidding? Just you wait!"

Finally the manager succeeded in hustling Blat, bleeding over one eye from a well-aimed napkin dispenser, out of the club. In the early hours of Thursday morning a blue 1973 Ford LTD was seen headed westward on I-40, from which we can assume he is back on the road to Graceland again.

1 comment:

et said...

Hey, Blat's lyrics sure do reflect his unique and compelling personality! Too bad you can't dance to it.

I eagerly look forward to his musical sequel, "You Wretched Assholes (Are Scared To Debate Me)!"

Ralph/Blat: all the way in 2008!