Sunday, July 22, 2007

RALPH's Debate Plans

As forthcoming candidate debates loom, adherents of the Ralph/Blat 2008 Campaign have long asked...how, and when, will their chosen Presidential aspirant participate?

Wonder no more, faithful hordes!

RALPH himself is scheduled to participate in the Republican debates scheduled on ABC News in Des Moines, Iowa on August 5, 2007. He and running mate BLAT plan to address the crowd on issues including abstinence education, the Rapture, and vitamin saturation therapies.

RALPH and BLAT also plan to participate in the Democratic debates, also in Des Moines, on August 19, 2007 - as Troll Party candidates they are free to attach themselves to both events - and at this latter event they hope to emphasize PIAPS' sinister attempts to institute the One World Order, frustrate the Rapture, and institute a reign of corruption and evil, enforced by a malicious motorcycle-straddling dyke squad, upon those few un-Raptured of the ostensibly-God-fearing populace.

When asked for his pre-debate commentary, RALPH was heard to say: "PRO-AMERICAN SITES, SUCH AS AMERICAPHLE, ARE NOT INTIMATED BY OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS. THIS IS BECAUSE WHEN IRREPUTABLE [sic.] FACTS ARE PRESENTED, THEY ARE MERELY VINDICATED BY THE SHRILL AND HYSTERICAL COMMENTS SO DESPERATELY OFFERED BY BRAIN-DEAD LIBTARDS!!!!!THEY JUST CRACK ME UP!!!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...THIS IS A MERE FORETASTE OF THE HOW AMERICA WILL BE WHEN PIAPS BECOMES “PRESIDENT”, AND THEN THE ENTIRE WORLD, WHEN U.N. FORCES WILL ACT AS THE THOUGHT-POLICE AFTER CLINTOON WORMS HIS WAY INTO THAT DESPICAPLE [sic.] BABEL ON THE EAST RIVER!!!!!"

BLAT, for his part, added: "Please do try VIBE as an essential booster to your daily routine! You'll find it enhances energy, invigorates your metabolism, and above all pads my bank account at your expense..."

Campaign staffers could offer no additional position papers or campaign comment as RALPH and BLAT were speedily hustled away.

1 comment:

Secret Rapture said...

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