Sunday, August 5, 2007

All you Need is - What?

We have just had RALPH's initial response to Blat's proposed new campaign slant, and I'm afraid it wasn't too positive.

Reporters found him this afternoon, along with his new companion Konservo, at a refreshment stand at the Knoxville Raceway in Knoxville, Iowa. "LOVE? WHAT'S THAT???" he roared, when informed what his running-mate had said. "I DON'T DO LOVE!!! THAT'S FOR HIPPIES AND WIMPS!!! THAT'S WHAT PIAPS AND THE NEWSHOUNDS AND OTHER DEMLIBS HAVE FOR AL-QAEDA AND AHMADINEJAD!!!"

At this point he choked on his warm Coke and it was a while before he could proceed. "IF GEORGE BUSH, THE WORLD'S GREATEST PRESIDENT, SHOWED LOVE ON 9/11, OUR CHILDREN WOULD BE STUDYING THE QURAN IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW!!!! FIRST SOCIALIZED MEDICINE AND NOW LOVE!!! WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT MAN'S HEAD???!!! WHATEVER IT IS, I KNOW PIAPS IS AT THE BOTTOM OF IT!!!!" His next words were drowned out by the roar of sprint cars preparing for tonight's Brodix 360 Tournament of Champions, but I am sure they were more of the same.

When reporters left him, Konservo was patting him on the shoulder (with the hand that was not holding ketchup-slathered fries in a limp cardboard container) and saying, "Don't worry, my lord. You've got me. I don't love anyone."

To be fair to the Candidate, he did not have a very good day. He had tried to take part in the Republican debate in Des Moines but had been refused admittance. "This debate is not for Trolls," he was told, "and besides, vultures aren't allowed in the ABC studios." So he stood outside, handing tracts to the Ron Paul supporters until one of them asked security to "get this religious nutbar outta here." We'll let you know whether he and Blat can patch matters up.

4 comments:

et said...

Oh, there are going to be fireworks when Ralph and Blat reunite. Hell hath no fury like a running mate scorned!

Mr. NEOCON (aka KONSERVO said...

What up, douchers?!?!

Your beloved Newshounds can't deal with a little honest, rational, debate! I've been banned!

Have fun kissing Muslim ass!
You know that you are merely pawns in a deadly game of Islamic chess!!!

DEATH TO ALL TRAITORS!!!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

CHENEY/TANCREDO 2008!!!

RalphyFan said...

Honest, rational debate? What would that consist of - the exclamation-ridden spam you left here last night?

Hope you had fun entering all those verification codes. Deletion is much quicker.

IB said...

Hey, neocone (and no, that's not a typo).

If the content of your post, here, is any indication of the brilliance you displayed on the Mains, it's little wonder you got your sorry ass banned.

Now, I always make it a point to say something nice to even the biggest of assholes, so here goes. You have a rare talent for exemplifying the word pathetic at previously unexplored levels.

Strong work, there...